Top 5 Stories of Woe:
Two year update: The Munsters - Kelly, Omaha, Age 29
Well its been two long years since I have written about living with the Munsters. Needless to say, things never got better. My grandmother now shits herself at random, has no teeth in the front and she is also on Pro Jack (as she calls Prozac). My uncle has gone completely Slingblade. He tries to intimidate us. He loves to burp, fart and pick his boogers like they are going out of style. My mother talks suicide continually saying she hates her life so much that she wants to die. Constantly she cries about how horrible she feels in life and how she says we all landed on a shit pile. I go out in Omaha but not one person talks to me. I dress in my best, I smile and no matter how I look they are so unfriendly. Omaha is like a gigantic cesspool of wannabe yuppies and guppies. The people act like unfriendly cretins. I can't make friends, I can't meet guys and the only man interested in me looks like Osama Bin Laden. Ah the joys of Nebraska.
I eat most food plain - John, New Jersey, Age 18
I have fucked up disorders. For instance, I eat most food plain, and I'm afraid to eat most cheeses and sauces. I fear I'll vomit if I do. I also have a skin disorder in which my skin gets welted from rough physical contact. I'm also too shy to ask a chick out, I haven't had sex in 4 years, and lost my virginity only because the bitch was ugly and couldn't get any one else at the time.
I do stupid shit for no reason, like turn down a one way street even though I see the sign saying one way. My mother thinks I have problems but she's one of them. She gets drunk every fucking weekend, and I'm stuck having to deal with the broken doors and appliances afterwards. I know my mom talks shit about me because I heard her when she thought I was asleep. She even thought I was gay until I admitted I am just shy.
It pisses me off more when realize I don't have many friends to go out with and the person that I consider my closest friend hangs out with types of people I hate. And it gets worse... she's an ex-girlfriend who enjoys torturing me by telling me she has sex and how fucking good her life is when she knows mine sucks.
I regret not having killed myself - Rex, Baltimore, Age 52
You want to know what real depression is? Not merely being suicidal, but regretting that I didn't kill myself 30 years ago. You might suppose that killing myself today would be a sufficient end of the suffering, but if it had happened 30 years ago then there still would have been someone to mourn me (my parents, both now dead). And someone might have said: "He would have done very well if only he had stayed alive." Now there's nobody to remember me, or at least to think I might have some potential.
Although I am mostly the cause of my misfortune there were, at various times, some people who trashed my life in very serious ways; a surgeon who bungled a simple operation that left me in chronic pain (which nobody believed was more than psychosomatic) - until ten years later I came into some money and could pay for a good surgeon to repair the damage. There was a big shot who blacklisted me from any job in my line of training for nearly a decade ... with the result that I could never pick up those pieces and had to retrain for a much inferior vocation; there were periods when I went hungry and homeless and I realize now that if I had killed him when he did that to me I would have been guaranteed three meals a day and a roof over my head for all the time since, and I might even have been released by now with two or three charities waiting at the prison gate to help make sure that I would not be hungry or homeless again. Imagine how wretched a person would have to be to regret NOT having killed himself or killed someone else years ago!
It wouldn't be so bad if we only had hot water - Stephanie, Maine, Age 27
We just moved to Maine from Texas, trying to make a better life for ourselves... Turns out there are no jobs in Maine!! Imagine that... Finally my fiancee scores a job... but no paycheck for 4 weeks. Now the heating oil has run out and I'm cold... at least until next Wednesday. I told the kids it was a little game we were playing called pioneer. It wouldn't be so bad if we only had hot water. I miss my family.
She's a fucking slob - Anonymous, Age 31
Well it all started when my father died in November. I made the mistake of inviting friends (husband, wife and one year old daughter and occasionally her 8 year old son) to live with my to: 1) help pay bills and 2) because they were being booted out of his brother's house. Well I found out why they were being booted out. She's a fucking slob. She leaves food all over the house. She doesn't watch her own kid and would rather let the 8 year-old parent the child when he's over for her visitation days. She tries to pawn off child rearing duties on anyone who takes a fleeting interest in the one year-old. She's so lazy that the child got diaper rash so bad it was bleeding because she wouldn't change her diapers on a regular basis. All she does is sit on her ass on my couch, channel flipping and doing needle point. I got her a job and she went six days out of the month the job lasted. She leaves uneaten food in bowls in the sink (even though I have a disposer). The other day I found used kotex under my bathroom sink because she was just too fucking lazy to throw it away. I don't have the heart to boot them out because her husband is a wonderful person. HE walks 6 miles to work, works 8 hours, walks the 6 miles back, come home and cleans up HER messes!!!!! If I find one more dirty dish under my cabinets I'm going to take my father's .357 and make this child motherless. She has this extremely irritating voice... like fingernails on a chalk board. She doesn't know the meaning of "lower your tone" or how to whisper or talk quietly while I'm trying to sleep. She mooches incessantly off her mother and any other person she can. I have to hide any and all medicines I have for myself because she takes all my pain relievers because "she has a sore neck". Like I said... I can't in good conscious boot them out into the snow because her husband is so nice. It's too bad I can't boot just her out. So.. until lardass gets cracking and starts working... I'm stuck. Anyone want to send me a roll of duct tape?
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